


Tek Jansen and the Daily Girl!: With A Rebel Belle!: A Tek Jansen Adventure

by DoctorV



Series: Archive: Doc's Old-Ass Fake News Fic (Daily Show, Colbert Report, etc.) [3]
Category: Fake News FPF, Tek Jansen (Comic), The Colbert Report, The Daily Show
Genre: F/M, Gen, Jon Stewart expy, Partial Nudity, Politics, Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-03-31 22:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13984818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorV/pseuds/DoctorV
Summary: The adventure continues with Tek Jansen and the political prisoner Satiria Daily!Explosions! Partial nudity! Politics! Just another day in the life of TEK JANSEN OF ALPHA SQUAD 7.





	Tek Jansen and the Daily Girl!: With A Rebel Belle!: A Tek Jansen Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> Archiving some old old OLD fanfic of mine. This was originally posted to LiveJournal 02/02/2009, with the author's note:  
> "So...this is a sequel. Yeah, wasn't expecting that."

Staring down the barrel of Tek's laser pistol, Satiria squeaked, " _Seriously?_ Are you sure?"

 

Tek opened his mouth to reply, then paused and glanced at the palm of his un-pistoled hand. On his glove the words "KILL SATIRIA DAILY" were written.

 

"Yyy _es_."

 

"B-But, I'm not—I'm just me!" she protested, leaning away from him with her hands raised in front of her chest. "I'm not anyone special! I'm _nobody_!"

 

Her voice was so sincere, Tek hesitated. "You _are_ the same Satiria Daily who shamed the population of Zen Momentia into questioning and then unseating the monarchy who reigned supreme over them?"

 

It was a fair question; he didn't care to make _that_ mistake twice. Command got uppity about that kind of thing. Was it _his_ fault a dangerous smez-powder smuggler had the same name as the sacred Holiest of Holies from the Fergmat System?

 

Satiria blushed, eyes darting away. "All I did was tell the truth," she murmured uncomfortably.

 

"Then you're a dirty, mutinous revolutionary," Tek replied, hesitation forgotten. "And you, and your truth-telling, make other governments _nervous_. And it's my _sworn duty_ to eliminate any threat to the bureaucracy I blindly obey!"

 

She stared up at him in...awe? Was that awe? Probably awe, he saw that look a lot. Clearly, she was awed by his devotion to duty. Or perhaps simply by his presence.

 

"You do... _hear_ yourself when you talk...right?" she finally asked.

 

Waving her poisonous honeyed words away, Tek said boldly, "I don't have time to _listen_! Not when there's a whole _universe_ to be saved!"

 

"That's...strangely noble."

 

"That's just the kind of guy I am," Tek replied, tilting his head regally as a stray breeze entered the room to ruffle his hair. Then he aimed his laser pistol again. "And the kind of guy I am is duty-bound to kill the kind of girl _you_ are."

 

"Wait a minute, _wait a minute_!" she cried, raising her hands again to push at the air. "Settle down! Just... _wait_ ! Now I love my planet. I love my planet and I am _proud_ of it. I am proud of the people, and of their accomplishments. But in _no way_ does that mean I should have to sit idly by while those put into power to _protect_ it neglect their duties in favor of following their own petty, self-serving interests and committing _atrocities_ to do so!"

 

As Satiria continued to speak, Tek felt something welling up inside of him. He hadn't even _heard_ of Zen before the briefing two days ago, but suddenly he _felt_ for it. He believed in the basic common decency of every living being on its honorable surface, and he briefly felt the urge to swear his pistol and his life toward furthering its greater good.

 

Lowering his laser pistol, Tek shook himself. "Solar _plexus_ ," he murmured to himself, staring at Satiria as she spoke with eloquence and passion. He was usually all for women speaking with passion, but this was a different _kind_ of passion. This was the kind of passion that made up for her tiny, tiny stature. It made her eyes glow and her cheeks flush and her breasts heave. _Oh_ how her breasts heaved.

 

He suddenly understood _exactly_ how this small, modest woman had incited an entire planet to action.

 

She was the kind of woman who could make Tek Jansen disobey a direct order. (All those other times didn't count. Those were because he _knew_ better, not because someone made him believe in a cause that had nothing to do with him.)

 

No wonder Command considered her a priority alpha threat.

 

"It's right there in the Standard Laws of Writ our society was founded on: 'And should the government fail in its appointed duty, so then must the people be charged with its removal'!"

 

She appeared to have reached the end of her impassioned, impromptu speech and was staring at him pleadingly, begging with her blue, blue eyes for understanding.

 

"That's all I did," she whispered. "I just pointed that out. _Anyone_ could've done that."

 

Tek's heart went out to her as he murmured, "No one _did_."

 

Satiria looked down and glanced away. "Yeah, well...I'm sure someone would've. ...Eventually."

 

She really had no idea, it appeared. How she was hailed as a hero by the people of Zen Momentia. How she had set into motion the first bloodless revolution in her planet's history. How powerful she and her words really were.

 

Eyes widening suddenly, Tek lowered his laser. She _didn't_ know. If there was one thing more dangerous than a rebel, it was one who was _aware_ of their power. That meant that, by definition, Satiria's threat level was significantly _lower_.

 

And _that_ meant that there was no longer a priority alpha threat, so his mission had been carried out successfully.

 

That just left the matter of an attractive female cruelly imprisoned by the one remaining pocket of supporters of a heartless government clinging to the last vestiges of its former power and glory. Tek knew _exactly_ what to do in that situation.

 

* * *

 

Explosions rang out behind them as Tek flew them out of the makeshift prison, Satiria clutched to his thick, muscular chest, her tiny fingers digging into rock hard shoulders and her head tucked under his rugged chin.

 

Fighting his way out of there had reduced his uniform to mere shreds, and mostly all that covered him was the political prisoner in his arms. Satiria did not appear to have noticed. At least, if the lack of arousal in her whimpers was any indication.

 

Arousal could wait, though. (Even if beating his foes six kinds of bloody _did_ get the ol' juices flowing.) Right now, Tek Jansen intended to get them to his ship and on their way out of the Jooziast System before the explosive chain reaction obliterated the over-mined and thus already unstable moon that this base had been hidden away on.

 

All that stood in his way was a desperate handful of fanatical guerillas and three solid feet of densium.

 

_Will they escape? After they escape, will Satiria finally be overcome with lust, as have hundreds of females before her, and rip the remnants of Tek's clothing from his devastatingly perfect physique? Will we finally achieve peak Tek nudity?! All this and more in the next installment of..."Tek Jansen and the Daily Girl!: A Tek Jansen Adventure"!_


End file.
